Skywalker Family AU: Padawan Edition

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K: Few things have the power to reduce me to mush the way fanart and/or headcanons featuring the Skywalkers all living happily as a family sans Anakin’s Fall does.

M: Seriously. I’m not one for AUs, generally speaking, but despite the fact that I love the prequels and their place in the Star Wars story, it sometimes seems… unfair that the prequel folks don’t get their happy ending, while OT folks do (ignoring you, TFA).

K: Exactly! And it’s not like I’m saying I wish this is how things actually worked out. No matter how much I cry and wail about the Star Wars, I love the emotional resonance amid all of the tragedy. And you can’t get the powerful resolution of RotJ without the equally powerful devastation of RotS. But it sure is nice to dream sometimes!

M: Especially where it concerns little Leia and Luke getting to interact with their awesome parents & parents’ friends!

K: *squeals about the cuteness* Obviously, given both of their affinity for the Force, they would be training as Jedi in this AU. (Also in this AU, the Jedi are totally cool that Anakin and Padme are married and had kids in the first place, because why dream if you don’t dream big). Which means we get to think about who would train them!

M: Little Luke and Leia, tripping over their robes, calling out to Master… Who?

K: A lot of people who share our enjoyment of this AU have Anakin training them. And in many ways, that would be the cutest thing.

M: Seriously, especially because we know how much Anakin loves to teach (see: Ahsoka), despite his unconventional ways.

K: And despite how much he initially protests. We also know he likes kids (see: Clone Wars Gambit: Siege pages 108-110, aka my cause of death). Dadakin would have been a glorious sight to behold.

M: But the thing is, in this AU, Anakin has also had extensive therapy, and knows that being his children’s Jedi master probably isn’t the wisest thing, despite his need for control. He’d rather just be dad.

K: That would be more than enough of a satisfying challenge, I’m sure. Also, him trying to train Leia would just end in disaster, can you imagine the ARGUMENTS?

M: OH DEAR I CAN.

K: Padme would laugh. And then tell Anakin to let someone else do it.

M: So, who else? I mean, if this is sans Fall we have the whole of the Jedi Order to choose from… but obviously we have our favorites.

K: Yeah, we’re not letting someone like Luminara Unduli get her hands on Luke and Leia. (Although, that could be entertaining in a terrible, train wreck way).

M: I feel like Leia would end up pranking her in some horrible way, or desperately trying to break rules just because Luminara is such a stickler, which would continue to escalate until Yoda had to intervene and split them up…

K: And Luke would just be so scared of getting something wrong and so miserable from trying to do something ridiculous like memorize every junction in 200 meters of convoluted tunnels that he’d never learn anything.

M: Plus, Luminara doesn’t have a great track record with padawans. (See: Barriss Offee) (I’m a terrible human, forgive me.)

K: (She had it coming.) So, there’s one option eliminated, not that she was ever really a choice in the first place. There’s a much more obvious choice though, of course. Our other favorite Space Dad.

M: OBI-DAD! Or, in this case, Obi-Uncle? Uncle-Wan.

K: Too cute! Of course they would both love him so much anyway, since he would be over at their house CONSTANTLY and they probably get into fights about who gets to be his padawan while they’re still younglings.

M: GAH the cute. I mean, we see how easily Luke gets attached to Obi-Wan after knowing Crazy Ben for approximately 3 days. And who can blame him? He’s cuddly! And behind his innate Jedi-ness there’s a twinkle in his eye and a heart of gold.

K: But sadly, as we learned when Qui-Gon first offered to take Anakin as his apprentice in TPM, no Master can serve two padawans. So a decision must be made.

M: I feel like the obvious decision is Luke, just because they actually do train together, albeit briefly.

K: Yes, and I think that Obi-Wan would be so relieved to have a padawan like Luke for a change. Like yeah, Luke’s had his fair share of bad choices and reckless moves, but he APOLOGIZES for them. He’s really humble when he makes mistakes. And he says where he’s going before he flies away in his X-wing to do dangerous things.

M: Luke is a darling soul.

K: In the now non-canon EU his favorite drink is hot chocolate for pity’s sake.

M: GAH ADORABLE. I mean really, let us not get caught up by his (brief) whining in ANH. Really, he’s game to do anything, cares deeply about his friends, and is fairly soft-spoken.

K: I can just picture him and Obi-Wan finishing a lightsaber sparring session and then just hanging out sipping tea and discussing whatever weird theory about healing crystals has been discovered in the past few weeks. Because let’s face it, they’re both nerds.

M: They’d read books about Jedi history together and Obi-Wan would teach him about animals. It all sounds very relaxing haha.

K: Indeed. Which, who ever heard of a Master/Padawan relationship being *relaxing*? Maybe this isn’t the best scenario after all.

M: So, Obi-Wan trains Leia? First thoughts… UM, ADORABLE. Why had I not thought of this sooner?!

K: The sheer number of times Obi-Wan would put his head in his hands and say “You are JUST like your father, may the Force give me strength.” But secretly he’d love it.

M: I mean, we’re talking all the benefits of the Skywalker/Kenobi partnership without all the trauma and competition. This is an older, wiser, softer Obi-Wan who has the patience to handle a feisty Skywalker and the life experience needed to bite back sarcasm.

K: Not that Leia needs him to cut back on the sarcasm as much as Anakin did. She can dish it right back, girl’s got her mother in her too.

M: I think Leia would make Obi-Wan LAUGH.

K: Which he NEEDS.

M: DESPERATELY! Imagine Leia trying to use a Jedi mind trick on him as a round-faced 8 year old. That might be enough to get him to full on belly laugh. And I think Leia would adore him right back. He’d be game to chuckle while she uses him as a verbal punching bag, rather than correct her right away.

K: He’d challenge her to solve problems on her own and come up with solutions to tricky things. There’d be absolutely NO patronizing. Which is the kind of mentoring she needs.

M: Yes, he’d see that innate talent and pull it out, and then not buckle underneath her sharp tongue and stubbornness.

K: I feel like they’d settle into a rhythm so fast. And then they’d be unstoppable. Also they’d gang up on Anakin ALL THE TIME.

M: “Leia, let’s put sand in your father’s robe pockets.”

K: “Way ahead of you, Master Kenobi.” Also can you imagine down the road when Han inevitably enters the picture and not only does he have to face Anakin, but there’s Obi-Wan, deceptively inviting him in for tea and then just scaring the crap out of him.

M: Bahahaha, I mean Han and Obi-Wan already know how to irritate each other so perfectly, but Han would have to hold it all in because Leia would be fiercely loyal.

K: For sure. Han would have to pass the Obi-Test before she gave him a chance.

M: A nerve-wracking thing indeed from a man known for his deceptive maneuvers. UM YES, I’m sold on this partnership. And it would also be a second chance for Obi-Wan to be a master, this time fully prepared and not under the pressure of fulfilling the dying wish of his master.

K: And no matter how exceptional Leia is, she’s not “The Chosen One” which is another relief for poor Obi-Wan’s sense of responsibility. With the experience of training Anakin, and more years of wisdom under his belt, I bet he’d be very good at helping Leia control that Skywalker rage she’s got lurking in her veins. With a lot of humor, and a lot of patience of course, but also with an open and serious warning if things got bad. I think he’d try really hard not to dance around her–and she’s too direct to take it anyway.

M: She’d dig the straight answer out of him, anyway.

K: Which is another reason she’d be good for him.

M: Yes, I think Leia would teach Obi-Wan a ton. “Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is,” after all. But that leaves Luke without a master!

K: And we can’t do that to Luke! So…who gets to train the one Hufflepuff to come from the Skywalker-Amidala bloodlines? (Wait, I tell a lie, Shmi.)

M: Well, there are wealth of Jedi masters who we love and got to know in Clone Wars and EU novels. Plo Koon, primarily. Another stellar Space-Dad.

K: I do love Plo, and he would adopt the twins whether he got to train them or not. He can’t help himself.

M: Adoptive Plo’s Bros! But none of them have as much of a connection with the Skywalkers, or would be up to taking on the offspring of The Chosen One.

K: Not to mention his wife, the former Queen of Naboo (and probably Chancellor of the Republic in this AU if we’re being honest, she’s got the nerves of steel required). But yes, a daunting task.

M: I know a person not properly daunted by daunting tasks! Ahsoka KRIFFING Tano.

K: AW YEAH. (Because Ahsoka also gets to stay with the Jedi in this AU!!) But really, Ahsoka is the best. And she would be a GREAT Master.

M: Especially with Luke! Ahsoka is feisty and a touch reckless, like Anakin, but she also has this intense maternal side. She’d push Luke out of his comfort zone, but not scare him off.

K: She’d see the toughness inside him, because it does exist. He’s a ray of sunshine, but sunshine can give you sunburns if you’re not careful. She’d show him how to make the best use of his not-inconsiderable talents. Plus they would just have a lot of fun. They’d do a lot of flying together and sparring and stuff. I can see them going on lots of training field trips and coming back covered in mud and grinning. She would DEFINITELY call him Skyguy Junior.

M: OMG that’s adorable. I think what they have in common, which is what would make their relationship work, is their sheer enthusiasm.

K: They’re also both really hopeful people. They have a pretty good handle on their emotions (Obi-Wan has control of his emotions but only because he brutally represses them). And they enjoy a good display of acrobatic daring-do (see: Luke does a flip off the end of an execution plank).

M: (also see: Ahsoka always) Yes, I think together they’d be intensely energetic. And then, on the flip-side, I think they both have the same style of seriousness. RotJ, Clad-in-Black Luke reminds me of Ahsoka’s more serious, grown-up side. They’re both very thoughtful people, underneath the goofiness and flipping.

K: Oh for sure. I imagine their partnership as one that leans toward teasing more than arguing. And they’d take the time to really listen to each other’s concerns. It’d be one of those pairings where they head into battle with only a quick look at each other to determine their plan. They would know each other really well.

M: In terms of their differences, I think Luke would balance out Ahsoka’s wildness. By the time she’s older she has a really great hold on her temper, but Luke’s sensitivity would help her continue to fine-tune that.

K: Anakin would be so proud of them both, gosh. Also of Leia, of course.

M: And after a long day of training they’d all get together for family dinner.

K: I can see it now: Padme’s had a long day in the Senate, so Obi-Wan insists on cooking. Or trying to. Ahsoka and Luke take over when things start burning, (letting Obi-Wan retreat to observe quietly in the corner with a cup of tea,) even though Luke is hardly tall enough to reach anything and has to Force-float ingredients into the pot. Leia tells her mom all about the latest stunt she pulled on her twin while they were supposed to be meditating, with lots of hand gestures and getting up to demonstrate exactly what happened. Anakin just sits on the couch with his arm around his wife, smiling. Or maybe giving her a foot rub.

M: It’s the life Anakin always wanted with his mother, and the life he wanted to create for Padme and his children.

K: Ok, quick, let’s leave them there before I start crying. And-they-all-lived-happily-ever-after-the-end.

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Flying is for Droids

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M: And now for something completely different!

K: By which we mean “lighter than our typical soul-crushing Star Wars fare.”

M: Obi-Wan has a pretty bad attitude when it comes to flying and droids. For someone who laughs sarcasms in the face of death, why such strong opinions about such inherently benign things?

K: “Flying is for droids,” nicely sums up Obi-Wan’s feelings about both of those things.

M: A double-hitting snark. But really, I think that Obi-Wan’s disgust with both flying and droids is one of the most hilarious aspects of his character. Here we are, sitting at home, looking at the Star Wars universe, wishing we had droids and could fly.

K: Have you HEARD me talking about how much I love X-Wings? I would kill for one of those!

M: He’s such a flipping hipster about it. You know what his preferred mode of transportation is? Riding an Eopie. Or Walking. And an eopie looks like a shaved camel with a grubby little elephant snout, and they are known, primarily, for farting.

K: (For those of you wondering about Obi-Wan’s affinity for eopies, see Kenobi, by John Jackson Miller.) I had a thought about why he hates flying–in a single person fighter, he’s the only one he’s responsible for. And we all know how much Obi-Wan cares about his own safety.

M: 0%. Okay, maybe like 11.38%, but that’s just because he’s worried he’d let someone down by dying.

K: Exactly. So, when he flies, he actually has to care about his own life and safety because they’re the only ones he has control over.

M: Darling Obi-Wan, please care about your life. I mean, Vader does! Obsessively, even!

K: Hahaha. I wonder if he’s afraid of heights too–he’s had enough bad experiences, what with all the dangling off stuff he does.

M: Haha, a different conversation because he hangs off of precipices by one hand basically every day of his life, but yes, possibly.

K: Actually, as someone who IS afraid of heights, I think it’s probably pretty unlikely. He doesn’t exhibit the usual signs of, I don’t know, avoiding standing close to sheer edges or jumping out of skyscraper windows.. And of course, he always has the Force to catch him. But, in space, you’re not going to fall, you’re going to be sucked into a vacuum, which sounds much scarier. So maybe the hatred of flying has more to do with that.

M: Honestly, I think he just gets motion sick.

K: OMG of course! He’s always clutching the armrests when Anakin starts making crazy turns and staring desperately at the horizon line.

M: Exactly. He’s definitely dizzy. Plus, he is in SERIOUS mom mode when flying. Like, you know he’s pressing the invisible brake pedal with all his might.

K: Oh yeah, the imaginary parent brake gets a workout when Obi-Wan flies with ANYONE. But especially with Anakin.

M: So, he’s about to barf, Anakin says “let’s try spinning, that’s a good trick!” and Obi-Wan has to pretend he’s not going to lose his space-cookies. Additionally, I imagine this is a point of embarrassment for him. I mean, the cool kids fly yellow speeders and spin, duh. And here Obi-Wan is, hanging out with a much younger, more risky Jedi, who is admired galaxy-wide, and let’s face it, he wants to pretend he’s cool too!

K: And the thing is, he IS a good pilot–even Anakin, wonderboy pilot extraordinaire, says he is. He’s just not a flashy one.

M: Yes, definitely not flashy. It’s Obi-Wan “making full use of his inherent discretion,” as Dooku says (Labyrinth of Evil, James Luceno). Obi-Wan thinks of everything in the long-term. It’s what got him constantly into trouble with Qui-Gon (living force, yadda yadda, living force), and so there’s no WAY he’d take any sort of risk by being flashy or unsubtle. He’s got to be the one with good judgment.

K: But, he also wouldn’t be anything less than a great pilot, because what if he’s the only one who can pilot the ship and save everyone? Wait, that sounded a bit too Anakin.

M: That’s where they think similarly. Just, Obi-Wan hopes he can save everyone, while accepting that maybe he won’t be able to, and Anakin needs to save everyone cause he’s the Chosen One and crap.

K: Well yes. Little messed-up dummies. But where Anakin would thoroughly enjoy doing a daring landing with a damaged ship and a full crew depending on him (or at least he would after the fact), Obi-Wan would hate every minute and be muttering under his breath the whole time. Given all the tells he has, (like that muttering) I find it hilarious that he tries to deny that he hates flying in AotC. He seems to get over that though, he’s a lot more open about his dislike in later novels and in RotS.

M: Haha, glad he gets over trying to deny it because it’s terribly obvious. Obi-Wan was born with a grandpa’s soul, and I think he tries to play cool for a bit, but ultimately he can’t deny his grandpa-ness or all of the sarcastic remarks building up in his head. Kids these days, with their texting and murder, and also their flashy flying and newfangled droids.

K: I also love the contrast in the opening of RotS, where Anakin is manually flying, grinning as he puts his starfighter through all kinds of crazy maneuvers, while Obi-Wan gives his astromech control with a nervous “Nothing too fancy, R4,” and then just grits his teeth and bears it.

M: Speaking of RotS, it’s also a great place to discuss his dislike of droids. I’m thinking of the elevator scene when he starts complaining about Artoo…

K: Yeah! And Anakin gets all defensive (“He’s trying!”), because he treats his astromech like a person basically. (See also, Artoo gets lost in Clone Wars and Anakin risks his and Ahsoka’s lives to get him back.) Which just confuses Obi-Wan to no end.

M: Obi-Wan is very aware that these things are metal, and he just does not understand them or why people would treat them as beings rather than tools.

K: Important to note: Jedi don’t use droids, as a general rule. Like, they are almost never found in the Temple. He probably didn’t see very many during his childhood, or even during his apprenticeship.

M: Yes, interesting. Droids would certainly be unsettling if you weren’t used to them. Also, Obi-Wan definitely has a predisposition for living things, perhaps passed on to him by Qui-Gon “pathetic lifeforms” Jinn. I love that he rides that freaking lizard in RotS (which he obviously gets a bit attached to, bad Jedi!), and in Clone Wars he often rides animals or is rescued by them (my favorite being that manta-ray thing on Kamino).

K: Yes! Anakin would have grabbed one of those spinny wheel car things Grievous drives to chase him. Obi-Wan’s like, “Where’d my lizard go??”

M: Maybe I’m reading too much into this (that was a joke, I definitely am), but I like to think of it as Obi-Wan longing for a simpler life in general. He just wants a pot of tea and a good book, and in his hipster-grandpa view, droids are just over-stimulation and over-complication. As is a lot of “modern” Star Wars life.

K: Hence him not using blasters. “So uncivilized.”

M: And let’s not forget Oldie-Wan. Plenty of evidence in the OT, too. Ever since I was a child I’ve found it hilarious that he hovers over Han’s shoulder in the Falcon, practically wringing his hands. He is sooooo anxious about flying there, too. And OMG, speaking of ANH, the look he gives R2-D2 when he first sees him kills me every time.

K: Me toooo. He’s like “Are you KIDDING me right now, Artoo?” And Artoo just beeps smugly.

M: Little punk droid.

K: As much as droids are weird and unsettling and whatever, and as complicated as robot ethics are, the Star Wars fandom LOVES them some droids. So it’s interesting to have Obi-Wan, (and often, the other Jedi,) treat them so dismissively, while we’re all getting attached and writing headcanons about how Artoo teaches swear words to BB-8.

M: And don’t forget Skippy the Jedi Droid (look it up). It IS an interesting dichotomy and one I’ve wondered about. I think it puts the audience in Anakin’s POV, and punctuates the description of the Jedi as a hokey old religion. But really, I think the Jedi just don’t know how to use them so they act all superior about it.

K: Yes, the Jedi are very good at acting aloof and superior about the things they don’t understand (*cough* Anakin Skywalker *cough*).

M: And, lest we forget, the Sith seem plenty comfortable with their droid army. To them, the Jedi’s discomfort with new technology is indicative of how outdated the Jedi are, and ultimately something easy for Palpatine to exploit.

K: Yep! But the Jedi are all about life, nature, etc. Droids, even nice/friendly/sassy ones, don’t comfortably fit in their world. The Jedi can’t even sense droids in the Force, which I’m sure has to be disquieting.

M: Ok, I have to go back though because I’m just giggling to myself about Oldie-Wan and Artoo still, like when Luke’s saying the transmission is gone and Obi-Wan’s like “I seem to have found it” like DUDE you know you didn’t “find” it and you’re lucky Threepio isn’t on to translate Artoo’s indignant response.

K: Bahahaha, it’s a good thing Luke can’t understand Artoo as well as Anakin (especially at this point) because, even though he’s a very trustworthy and circumspect droid all things considered, I’m sure Artoo could (and would) tell him some stories.

M: Which might be why Obi-Wan doesn’t like droids. Or flying. I bet Artoo has pulled something on him at one point or another.

K: WIth Anakin as Artoo’s owner? Certainly. Also, a thought: Anakin probably treats Artoo as a friend because he doesn’t want to be the owner of something that can talk to him.

M: Okay, OUCH, I thought we were being “light” hahahaha. Whatever: “Another happy landing!”

 

Meme Monday: Anakin Phelps

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I loooove the Anakin Phelps meme, mostly because I was watching live (well, “live”– it was the NBC broadcast) when this moment happened during the 2016 Olympics. I have only rarely laughed as hard as I did that night. These Star Wars editions of the meme just make it better. You could insert Phelps’s face into certain parts of RotS and not even notice the difference: “From my point of view, Chad Le Clos is evil!”

–K

May the 4th Be With You

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It’s Star Wars Day! To celebrate, we have each made lists of moments that make us happy from each of the Star Wars movies. May the 4th be with you!

K

TPM: I love Obi-Wan’s face at the end because everyone else is smiling and triumphant while Obi-Wan is finishing the movie the way he started it—with a bad feeling about this.

AotC: I love the scene in the droid foundry when Anakin’s arm is stuck and there are blades chopping all around him because it seems like he’s going to lose his hand a la Luke in ESB, but that doesn’t actually happen until later.

RotS: I love the way the music goes away and it’s completely silent right as the mask goes over Anakin’s terrified face and then…the first Vader breath. Chills.

RO: I love the sight and sound of Vader’s lightsaber igniting in the black hallway. I think I stopped breathing in the theater.

ANH: I love Leia saying “Somebody’s got to save our skins,” because she’s supposedly the one being rescued and then she rescues her rescue party. Anyone who says Leia is a damsel in distress is just so, so wrong.

ESB: I love the tiny moment when Lando has to physically drag Leia away from shooting stormtroopers during the escape from Cloud City. She is going to make the Empire pay for taking her boyfriend, so help her Force.

RotJ: I love when Luke does a flip off the execution plank, catches his lightsaber, and just kriffing wrecks Jabba’s henchmen. It’s his biggest Jedi moment in the original trilogy and I cheer through the whole thing.

TFA: I love the way the Force theme swells when the lightsaber goes shooting into Rey’s hand. I about stood up and clapped the first time I saw this scene.

 

M

TPM: Padme: “The Queen will not approve.” Qui-Gon: “The Queen doesn’t need to know.” Padme: “Well I don’t approve.” He’s a troll, she’s a queen, it’s a great moment. Bonus points: the knowing look Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan share just after Padme reveals her identity.

AotC: Obi-Wan getting a drink after the chase on Coruscant. Never fails. I laugh every time.

RotS: So many feels in this movie, almost chose “You were my brother Anakin, I loved you.”  but we’re celebrating so I’m going to go with the moment when Obi-Wan wakes up to find he’s hanging from Anakin in an elevator shaft. I just love how big his eyes get and how he bear hugs Anakin.

RO: UH WHAT ELSE I love Vader igniting his lightsaber in the dark hallway. But, since K already chose that… I’ll have to go with just a few seconds later when Vader force slams the rebel soldier into the ceiling. It’s the most Anakin we’ve seen Vader and it’s beautiful.

ANH: Luke standing beneath the twin suns, the force theme playing… just the most Star Wars Star Wars moment, and a kriffing beautiful shot to boot. It’s where it all began.

ESB: YODA. YODA. YODA. More specifically, Yoda’s Theme is my favorite piece of Star Wars music.

RotJ: This film has the best dolly-in in cinema history. It happens when the Emperor is electrocuting Luke– he’s obviously going to lose or die if something doesn’t happen soon– and it cuts to Vader– and there’s this little dolly in. It’s this perfect moment that, because of the camera movement, projects so much emotion onto Vader’s mask. It’s the moment he returns to the light. The moment he decides to become Anakin again, and do the right thing– save his son! The whole series leads up to this moment, and it’s served, perfectly, by a dolly in.

TFA: Rey adding “and you will drop your weapon!” when she first does a Jedi Mind Trick.

 

And Friends You Must Remain…

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M: Bonus points for noir lighting.

M: Let’s set the scene. We’re in Clone Wars Season 6 (The Lost Missions), episode…

K: 6?

M: 6. This is during the second arc that deals with King of Creeps Rush Clovis. About halfway through the arc, Obi-Wan “confronts” (as much as someone like Obi-Wan can confront anyone) Anakin about the whole ordeal. (For those of you following along at home, this particular conversation happens about 7 minutes into “The Rise of Clovis.”)

K: It’s after Padme has agreed to work with Clovis at the request of the chancellor. She and Anakin have a little bit of a fight over it…

M: Anakin’s jealous, Padme wants to be her own person and doesn’t need Anakin’s permission, etc. Additionally, Anakin’s at odds with the council again, but this time he has reason to be. Clovis is a creep.

K: A creep with no understanding of consent. And, in Anakin’s defense, last time, he DID get Padme poisoned. So, Anakin is a *little* upset.

M: Just a bit. And who comes to try and fix things? Obi-Dad Kenobi himself, space-dad original. This is the first time we’re seeing Obi-Wan this arc, which is interesting, as he’s usually not so MIA during Anakin’s relationship issues in Clone Wars.

K: He’s usually watching, with an appropriately raised eyebrow. So, when Obi-Wan strides in and calculatedly leans against the wall like an L.L. Bean model, Anakin’s messing around fixing droids (or something…)

M: *Yoda voice* Technically minded, we are not.

K: …which painfully calls back to the scene in AotC when Padme comes in while he’s fixing things after watching his mother die and killing all the sand people. Clearly emotions are running high.

M: “Running High,” a phrase which here means “should be approached with the help of a psychological professional.” Obi-Wan, being “Obfuscation Kenobi” as per usual (look it up, Kenobi by John Jackson Miller, prepare to cry), dances around the subject at hand.

K: Yeah, the whole “I sense anger in you when I say his name” instead of “Why do you hate this guy so much, are you jealous or something?”

M: “BRUH, simmer down, your crush is showing.” Actually, I think what he’s trying to do is leave Anakin an opening to bring the topic up himself.

K: A good strategy, as Anakin is so sensitive.

M: Definitely, “sensitive,” let’s call it that. Then, there’s the body language here. Anakin pulls away and in doing so the distance between them grows, literally, as they talk. I also love that at this point Anakin reaches for the model ship– a remnant of childhood and a symbol for a simpler time.

K: As well as a symbol of the one place he actually feels in control–the cockpit. But let’s go back for a second and talk about Anakin’s guilt/responsibility complex. He says, speaking of Padme’s previous encounter with Clovis, that “he [Clovis] almost got Senator Amidala killed, and I would have been responsible.” He literally says Clovis is the one who would have gotten Padme killed and STILL takes the blame for the hypothetical death. As is obvious if you’ve seen any part of the prequel trilogy, Anakin has a talent for blaming himself when *anything* bad happens. It’s always because he didn’t stop it, or he wasn’t strong enough. Which is heartbreaking, and also the way Palpatine gets to him in the end.

M: GAH, Anakin feels. This gives sooo much context to Anakin and his fall. Being a Jedi is about letting go– his abandonment/abandoning issues prevent that from happening. Someone give this boy a hug! (and professional help).

K: *throws therapist at space for Anakin Skywalker*

M: SO, Anakin is enshrouded in guilt and fear and jealousy when Obi-Wan comes in. Then, Obi-Wan eventually gets around to saying that Anakin needs to let his attachment to Padme rest, just a bit.

K: And then, he brings up Satine. A former flame of “Obi’s” who, at this point, is dead, partly as a result of her attachment to Obi-Wan. It’s a guilt party all around!

M: Again, I love the body language here. Obi-Wan sits down– he takes a more submissive role, and he turns his back toward Anakin. He feels guilty that he is not a perfect example for his Padawan, and he obviously is still upset about Satine dying in his arms after being stabbed by he-who-does-not-exist-post-TPM. Understandably.

K: Quite. Also, he doesn’t want to be threatening. He’s trying to get Anakin to open up, he doesn’t want him to be defensive. Which is another reason to bring up Satine–he’s trying to remind Anakin that maybe this is something Obi-Wan can understand “to a degree,” as he so wisely puts it.

M: Yes, I love that he says “to a degree” and so doesn’t push the “I know how you feel” button, a common mistake of well-intentioned people trying to be sympathetic. He knows he doesn’t, and he knows his relationship with Satine wasn’t at all like what Anakin and Padme have. Instead, he’s demonstrating that he’s sympathetic to Anakin’s relationship… again giving Anakin an opening.  

K: But Anakin is so entrenched in slightly hysterical fear and, consequently, this NEED to keep his marriage a secret that there’s no way he’ll take that opening. Also, Obi-Wan can’t help but give the Council’s line (“You can’t have attachments”), even if what he means is “You can’t let your attachment to Padme turn into possessiveness.” Obi-Wan, lifelong Jedi that he is, thinks and talks that way naturally. Plus, he’s a subtle guy. Anakin is not. Which causes more than a few communication problems that we don’t need to go into here.

M: It’s a line that brings Obi-Wan comfort and a language Obi-Wan understands. But it’s neither of those things for Anakin, so it doesn’t have the effect Obi-Wan intends. And then, a few seconds later, when he says that Anakin needs to do the right thing “for the order,” that’s when Anakin closes himself off and gets defensive (and also slams his model ship down like a toddler throwing a tantrum). From Anakin’s point of view, what has the order done for him? EXCEPT, back up, we skipped my favorite line of this whole conversation. Anakin insists that he and Padme are “just friends” and Obi-Wan responds: “And friends you must remain.”

K: Oh yeah! I love that line too, it’s so…double edged. It almost sounds like he means “in public,” like he’s warning Anakin that he’s in danger of exposing his relationship. Because, as Clovis says to Padme later on in the episode, “friends don’t argue the way I saw you two arguing.” Obi-Wan’s calling Anakin out for doing a bad job backing up his constant assertions that he and Padme are no more than friends.

M: Yes, that! Obi-Wan knows Anakin is more expressive in his anger and his fights with Padme could attract attention… but also I think it’s some sly relationship advice. He knows how much Anakin and Padme mean to each other, and he feels it’s important to keep their relationship intact, no matter what happens.

K: Oh dang, I really like that. Like “hey, bro, quit fighting with your wife, she’s a keeper.” Obi-Wan recognizes that Padme is not interested in Clovis (and honestly, who would be?). Anakin also knows that, deep down, but he has such a low opinion of himself. He sees Clovis as all these things he isn’t, and then there’s the fact that he had a relationship with Padme before Anakin himself, etc.

M: It’s back to the letting go. Anakin thinks letting go means ending his relationship or allowing Padme to be harmed by Clovis. Obi-Wan thinks it means trusting Padme to take care of herself, even with a creeper like Clovis creeping around.

K: It’s really Clovis that Anakin doesn’t trust, not Padme, but it just feeds into this jealous/possessive worry that comes off as him not trusting Padme. Which is why Padme is mad at him, and he’s pouting in his room in the first place.

M: Ok, we’re down to the last part of the conversation, where Anakin asserts that Clovis and Padme have no current relationship. Obi-Wan pointedly says “Then we should have no problems, should we?” and leaves. I feel like there’s a shift here in Obi-Wan… he came in very sympathetic and is leaving a little snarky, exasperated with Anakin, and maybe even a tad defensive himself.

K: He’s kind of moved from subtle advice giving to what could, for Obi-Wan, almost be an outright warning. Complete with ubiquitous raised eyebrows. And that brings us to one of my favorite parts in this conversation, which is that when Obi-Wan leaves, Anakin *almost* calls out/goes after him. He lifts his hand and everything, and he just looks distressed as Obi-Wan exits and I die every time.

M: SOMEONE FIX THESE EMOTIONALLY CHALLENGED BABIES. It’s like we’ve discussed before– Obi-Wan’s sarcasm is the worst thing for Anakin, though Obi-Wan certainly doesn’t mean it that way. That “should we” hurts Anakin to the core.

K: Yes! Because then Anakin feels guilty for not being able to control his feelings about the situation, and for not telling Obi-Wan in the first place, and for everything. As usual. Gosh.

M: Galaxy-sized guilt, which Obi-Wan is probably feeling a share of as well. The moral of every story, as my sister says, is either “People are awkward and should never speak to each other” or “People should just talk to each other.” The moral of this story is both.

K: But if Obi-Wan and Anakin did manage to say everything they needed to say without it being an utter disaster, we couldn’t cry ourselves silly over the ending of Revenge of the Sith. And then cry ourselves silly again over the ending of Return of the Jedi.

M: “And friends you must remain.” Take that to heart, you bozos.