Meme Monday: tag urself

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The “tag urself” meme is a special breed of internet humor that involves reducing beloved characters to a short list of characteristics/descriptions (often making liberal use of various forms of internet speak and meme vocabulary), giving each a funny name, and then inviting viewers to “tag” themselves as the one they most identify with. This often also means poking fun at said beloved characters. Of course, given that Star Wars memes are the best memes on the internet, Star Wars tag urself memes are some quality products. There are more where these came from, but these two are my favorites. The Obi-Wan one alone is just SO ACCURATE. Have you ever seen Obi-Padawan more perfectly described? The Rogue One meme is also generally perfect, with some subtle character analysis thrown in for good measure.

Tag urselves. (For the record, I’m “mullet” and either “good dad.jpg” or “apple pie-lot.”)

–K

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duh duh duh DUN DA DUN, DUN DA DUN

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K: The only Star Wars score John Williams has won an Oscar for is the original 1977 Star Wars. (ESB, RotJ, and TFA were all nominated, but none of the prequels were, which is a travesty we can talk about another day.) I love the ANH soundtrack, as I love all Star Wars music, but it’s missing something the other Star Wars scores have–The Imperial March.

M: Certainly the absolute most iconic bit of Star Wars music, one identifiable within a few notes. However, given that it’s woven so deep into the fabric of popular culture, it’s easy to overlook not only its individual brilliance but also how skillfully John Williams incorporates the theme as a leitmotif throughout the rest of the soundtracks.

K: Although it’s called “The Imperial March,” its subtitle is “Darth Vader’s Theme,” and that’s how most people know it: the stirring and evil-sounding music that blasts every time Vader makes an entrance. But if we follow the story chronologically, starting with the prequels, that’s not how it first appears.

M: No, it first appears in “Anakin’s Theme,” arguably one of the best pieces of Star Wars music EVER, given what we’re about to talk about. And to clarify, I don’t know music very well… I’m sure there’s a lot more here than we’ll discuss.

K: Oh for sure. I bet there have been Masters theses written about the themes of Star Wars and all of the brilliant things John Williams does. I don’t have the technical knowledge to write one, but I do appreciate what I have learned and noticed while listening to the soundtracks. So, “Anakin’s Theme.” It’s a beautiful, hopeful sounding piece of music, full of the promise and potential of this sweet kid from Tatooine. But there’s something darker lurking both in the child and in the song.

M: I love the sort of unsettled nature of the tune. Despite how intensely melodic the song is,  it’s hard to break up into segments. The notes carry into each other, rather impressionistically (Think Debussy). But at the very end of the melody, those notes tumble into the notes of “The Imperial March.”

K: Not, it should be noted, as sinisterly as the theme appears throughout the OT. It’s a lot gentler, easier to miss. But it’s a reminder of the approaching inevitable.

M: Once you hear those last few notes and make the connection to “The Imperial March,” it’s hard not to have that mood flavor the entirety of the song. Its unsettled nature, as well as the struggle between the upwardly moving melody and the melody’s inevitable fall  at the end of the tune… it all comes down to those last few notes.

K: It mirrors Anakin in the prequels as well–trying to rise but eventually being dragged down to the Dark Side.

M: But it doesn’t stop there. We get to hear the Imperial March throughout Anakin’s fall, as well as in The Clone Wars.

K: I was surprised, listening to the prequel soundtracks, at how sparingly John Williams actually uses the Imperial March. It pops up only at the darkest points in Anakin’s fall, highlighting the big turns in his journey to darkness. And even then, it’s usually pretty subtle. For example, when Anakin slaughters the Tusken Raiders in revenge for his mother’s death, the Imperial March plays not over the shots of Anakin slashing with his lightsaber, but over the scene where Yoda feels his rage and distress in the Force. It also appears in AotC in its less-widely-used function as the theme of the Galactic Empire–as Chancellor Palpatine and select senators look out over the gathered clone troopers and the new battleships of the Republic (so eerily reminiscent of stormtroopers and Star Destroyers respectively) we get that melody again.

M: I love that it isn’t used blatantly in the prequels for two reasons: First, I think it’s important that Anakin is not yet Vader. They’re not one and the same person, hence Obi-Wan insisting that Anakin Skywalker was killed when Vader was created. Not using it oppressively gives Anakin the constant chance for redemption–it’s really not until the end of RotS, when he rises as Lord Vader, that he has completely become that character. Second, it is used so liberally in ESB and RotJ when Vader’s presence and power is a constant. This in contrast to RotS, when Anakin potentially could have avoided becoming Vader. By the time the OT rolls around, the March is unavoidable, drowning out many of the other themes once it arrives.

K: The OT Imperial March is so great. It can be bombastic and in-your-face as it comes striding down a corridor, or it can jump out and surprise you.Going back to your point about using it sparingly in order to emphasize that Anakin isn’t Vader, let’s talk about Clone Wars!

M: GAH, literally my (and I think your) favorite moment in The Clone Wars is in the episode “Voyage of Temptation” (S2 E13). Obi-Wan and Satine are caught in a pickle… this crazy senator dude, Tal Merrick, is holding a detonator that will explode the ship they’re on, but neither Obi-Wan or Satine can bring themselves to kill the man. Merrick says “Who’ll strike first and brand themselves a cold-blooded killer?” Obi-Wan and Satine both hesitate… and BAM, the guy gets stabbed in the back by Anakin, who seems completely unaware of the implications of the situation. And in the background…

K: Duh duh duh DUN DA DUN, DUN DA DUN. We could write a whole other post about that moment, because it is my favorite of all time, but the use of the Imperial March there…gosh. Painful. The same sort of thing happens a few times throughout the show–any time Anakin drifts toward the Dark Side, that theme lurks in the background, reminding us of what’s to come.

M: Honestly, it’s a bit of a killjoy in that it’s this little reminder of the tragedy to come… Anakin will cease to be himself and will turn into Vader instead.

K: Thanks a lot, show–can’t just let us pretend that it’s all going to turn out fine, oh no. Interestingly, when Anakin really does fully commit to becoming Vader in RotS, the Imperial March still isn’t used nearly as heavily as it is in the OT. Probably because RotS is meant to show the absolute tragedy that is Anakin’s Fall, and the Imperial March is so entwined with this idea of Vader as a terrifyingly powerful force of evil.

M: I mean, it’s a march. It has this confidence and ruthlessness and drive to it that isn’t yet appropriate for Anakin. He’s not at ease with that level of evil until his transformation is complete and he leaves behind all traces of his former life.

K: But by the time we reach the era of the OT, the music fits perfectly with Vader’s persona. He is completely relentless and unstoppable, just like the rhythm of the march.

M: OOOH, which is why I love the little snippet of the March we get in RO. We don’t really hear it until the very end, when Vader has boarded the Rebel Cruiser and is watching the Tantive IV fly away, cape billowing in the “wind” (wind doesn’t exist in Space, obvs a bit of Vader using the Force to be extra), the literal definition of BADASS.

K: Dang, that Vader scene is still the coolest, most breath-taking (in the literal sense) 45 seconds I have ever seen on a theater screen.

M: *SHINK* Red lightsaber glows in the darkness as we listen to the same alarm sound from ANH… I DIE, we must change subjects before I talk about this all night. Back to the March in RO, I love that we only hear it, really, at the very end. We hear a few bars of it in the “Do not choke on your aspirations” scene, but using it in its full glory only at the end lets the audience know that the best/worst is yet to come… Vader is just getting started (additionally, this reflects the absence of the March in ANH). Also, I feel I must insert a word for Rebels here, which uses the March in a more Rogue One fashion (except for when they make it major during the Empire day celebrations?! Weird?!). He’s a mystery… scary, but not yet a direct threat to the entire galaxy.

K: I also like that, I think it works best to give the March its biggest and best incarnations during the movie that features everything going Vader’s way (well, until his son jumps down a death shaft rather than join him in ruling the galaxy): The Empire Strikes Back.

M: Exactly. And in ESB the March is kriffing everywhere. Every time we see an Imperial ship, every time we see Vader. I love how larger than life this makes Vader feel. And honestly, at this point, the gang don’t know what exactly they’re facing. They’re only now realizing how big of a problem he is.

K: And once they realize it, there’s no escaping it. Suddenly, Vader is everywhere: hunting the Millennium Falcon through an asteroid field, appearing to Luke in a creepy tunnel on Dagobah, even sitting casually in a dining room in Cloud City. And his theme comes everywhere with him.

M: I especially love it in “The Battle of Hoth,” mostly because that’s one of my favorite tracks, but also because even amidst the thrumming of the AT-AT’s theme, the March STILL manages to be the scariest and most bombastic tune in the suite.

K: Gah so good. But, if the March manages to completely take over ESB, it has a much more complicated life in RotJ. It starts out as the same powerful theme, playing over Vader’s and later the Emperor’s arrival on the Death Star 2.0. But things are less clear to Vader these days. And his theme doesn’t always pound out confidently the way it used to. In particular, I’m thinking of the scene where Luke is brought to Vader on Endor. The Imperial March as we usually think of it IS present in the scene, but there’s this whole other section where bits and pieces of the March try to assert themselves only to disappear into the other melodies.

M: I think it’s a signal… Vader isn’t going to be Vader for much longer. It has less surety, more hesitance.

K: VADER isn’t sure anymore. Not sure about the Emperor, not sure about his decision to embrace the Dark Side, not sure what to think about his son–his son, who is insisting that there is still good somewhere inside of that black shell. It’s the Emperor’s theme, not the Imperial March, that takes center stage when Luke and Vader duel–it’s the Emperor Luke truly has to defeat, not his father. Which brings us to the last, really beautiful use of the Imperial March, during Anakin and Luke’s final conversation. As Luke helps his father take off his mask (literally and figuratively shedding Vader), a really high, haunting version of the March plays.

M: It sounds full of regret… just an echo of Vader’s evil and, really, the person he used to be. But also, and I’m just going to go ahead and assume John Williams did this on purpose, it sounds like Anakin’s Theme, especially with the harp at the very end.

K: Yes! It’s got that melodic quality again.

M: And because Vader has become Anakin again, Luke finally gets to meet his father.

K: *gross sobbing* Once it plays over Anakin’s death, the theme does not appear again. Instead, when Luke burns his father’s body we get a powerful version of the Force theme, and I cry and cry…

M: Vader is no more! Anakin is one with the Force. *weeps* Praise the space conflicts.

K: And praise John Williams for scoring them.

Space-Dursleys, except like 1000% better humans

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M: Owen and Beru Lars are very quickly forgotten by Star Wars fans, just as they very quickly burn up into some rather disturbing skeletons in ANH.

K: Both of those circumstances are a shame. Because, honestly, they deserve better.

M: They are seriously delightful humans, and more than simple plot devices killed off to call Luke to adventure and kick him across the threshold. This is especially true when you add in the prequels. In AotC and RotS, they’re such a cute little couple, very much in love.

K: In a shockingly stable, calm way that contrasts wildly with the passionate, overly dramatic upheaval of emotions Anakin and Padme are going through in that movie.

M: A mature relationship! And then, in ANH Uncle Owen is basically your crabby but endearing uncle, and Aunt Beru is that neighbor lady who buys all her clothes at K-Mart and makes cookies for all the neighborhood kids during the summer. People that aren’t the center of the story, but certainly ones you’d be glad to meet.

K: Also, look at the child they raised: Luke is polite, sweet, and always ready to help his friends/slight acquaintances. You don’t get that kind of kid with just any surrogate parents. Speaking of them being surrogate parents, do you think that means Beru couldn’t have children? Or that they chose not to because it would be too dangerous, what with Luke’s dad being the secondary Big Bad in the galaxy at this point?

M: I have always wondered about that, and have always assumed that they couldn’t have children of their own.

K: That’s what I figured too. Beru just looks so delighted when Obi-Wan hands her baby Luke at the end of RotS, and considering the circumstances that led up to that event (*chokes back sobs*), I find her uncomplicated happiness adorable.

M: Well, and then they look off into the suns a la ANH, so it sort of suggests that Luke is their  hope as well.

K: Ooh, yes, I like that. The AotC novelization (which is actually pretty good) gives the Lars family a lot more “screentime” than the movie does, and Beru is so cute.

M: I think she’s *darling.* She seems to be that person who is always willing to help. I love that she helps out with the dishes and with the injured Cliegg Lars after Shmi is gone. She seems to be a permanent fixture in their home, even when she’s just dating Owen.

K: There’s a lot of commentary from Shmi’s point of view in the novelization about how Beru is exactly the kind of woman who is going to do well on Tatooine. She is, as you say, always willing to help, and she doesn’t need much to make her happy. She’s steady, and isn’t going to be beaten down by life on a dustball of a planet.beru-and-owen-300x177

M: Valuable praise coming from the amazing Shmi. And then, in ANH
, she’s sort of this quiet smiling force behind everything. Owen and Luke are bickering and she gently gives them advice while wearing her K-mart mom clothes and pushing space vegetables into a gurgling machine. You get the sense that she’s one of those people who makes the most sensible idea feel like it was *your* idea, and so can wield a soft but potent power. She’s not pushy, but manages to push a person in the right direction anyway.

K: Yes! Also in the novelization, there’s a brief moment where Padme and Beru make awkward small talk while Anakin’s off in the desert taking his first step to the Dark Side. Mostly it’s there to show how different the two of them are, but it also further underscores that Beru, although she’s not as conspicuous as Padme, has just as much inner strength. And I love that. More appreciation for all of our Star Wars ladies, please.

M: Louder for the people in the back! Also, for as much crap as Obi-Wan (and George Lucas, really) gets for dropping Luke off with these unknown relatives, it really says a lot about those relatives that they’ll welcome a child into their home with s
little notice.

K: The Dursleys, they are not. (But Obi-Wan is totally Space-Dumbledore.) Owen and Beru aren’t even Luke’s blood relatives, but they’re willing to take the enormous risk of raising him anyway. And they do it with so much love. Luke clearly loves his aunt and uncle right back, even when he whines. His face when he makes the realization that the stormtroopers are headed for his home is heartbreaking, as is his reaction to seeing Owen and Beru dead.

M: (Space-Dumbledore, I love it) Yes, that scene where he says “that would lead them back… home” is exactly what I was thinking of too. He doesn’t even think– he immediately hops into his speeder to go and check on them. I love how normal his relationship with them is, and it really punctuates the fact that Luke comes from rather humble beginnings. He squabbles with his acting parents and they squabble back. He simply wants to have more free time and fewer chores like any other normal kid… and it’s because of Owen and Beru that he was given such a stable, loving upbringing. And that’s what sets him up to be stable and loving!

K: Yay for stable Skywalkers! We get far too few of them. But, I feel bad that we skipped over Owen back when we were talking about Beru. He’s a pretty stand up guy. There’s a really lovely section of the novelization (I know I keep bringing it up, but it really informed my opinion of AotC so…) where he comes out to talk to Shmi while she’s looking up at the stars and thinking about Anakin. It’s sweet because he’s there to comfort her and even though he knows he can’t replace her biological son, he wants her to know that she’s loved. He really cared about his stepmom and is very protective of his family in general.

M: Protective, yes. That’s why he wants to keep Luke around the moisture farm, and is afraid of how much of his father he has in him. In the EU, Owen is known as a rather cranky guy, particularly to Obi-Wan. But the thing is, we usually take that from Obi-Wan’s point of view… and Owen has all the reasons in the world to be wary of Crazy Ben and his influence.

K: Yeah, for real! I find it interesting that Luke is even aware of Obi-Wan in ANH because Owen (and Obi-Wan) make it clear that he has done his utmost to keep that “crazy old wizard” away from his nephew/adopted son. He wants Luke safe and not going out into the galaxy getting into dangerous situations with an aging Jedi.

M: An aging Jedi who, as innocent as he is, has a habit of getting into trouble. I mean, we mentioned the normality of Luke’s rural childhood, and I think that’s exactly what Owen and Beru wanted to make for him. We saw what being “the Chosen One” did to Anakin, and there’s no way they’re going to do that to Luke.

K: I find it slightly hilarious that their one interaction with Anakin was enough for them to be like “Ok, yep, this kid is a mess.” And then they do their best to make sure Luke doesn’t end up that way. (And succeed, for the most part.)

M: Haha, Anakin is definitely the opposite of stable. And he certainly didn’t hide how miserable he was from them. Not at all.

K: (Anakin: *dramatically collapses to the sand by his mother’s grave* Owen and Beru: “Ok then.”) I just had a really amazing thought though. Owen and Beru probably told Luke about his grandmother!!!

M: OMG of course they did! Shmi Skywalker, one of the most underappreciated Star Wars characters.

K: As with any of the information Luke and Leia received about their biological parents growing up, I’m sure it was incomplete and littered with half-truths and omissions, but STILL. He probably got to hear about how loving and strong and amazing she was.

M: Given how much lineage matters in Star Wars, I absolutely love this idea, and I love that Owen and Beru would be able to provide that for Luke.

K: They also told him something about his father clearly, but Luke’s still on the lookout for any crumb of information they’ll drop, so they probably had a harder time with that (understandably).

M: Again, they don’t want Luke to grow up with a shadow hanging over him… and honestly we see how miserable learning Vader is his father makes him, so it’s probably best he was an adult when he found out. Shifting gears, I also think it’s fascinating that Owen and Beru are really the blue-collar, “all-American” types of Star Wars. If we read Star Wars from an auteur/biographical perspective, I think that Tatooine and the Larses are similar to Modesto and the Lucases. Like George, Luke wanted to get out and do more and be something more , and yes, any parent/guardian-child relationship is complicated. But it’s obvious that this sort of upbringing is a positive for Luke. A good foundation, just as it was for George.

K: Relative to the short amount of time they are in the picture, Owen and Beru probably have the greatest impact on Star Wars as a whole. They keep the “new hope” safe, cared for, and alive for almost twenty years, and in doing so promote the values that lead to Luke saving the galaxy (with help, of course).

M: Yes, they have an enormous impact! And while it’s true that they come to an abrupt and rather smoky end, that tragic demise is symbolic for why Luke needs to get off of Tatooine and get started on his heroic journey. Owen and Beru are exactly the type of innocent, honest people that the Empire is betraying. They’re the every-people, and I appreciate them!

Meme Monday: When Your Young Padawan Makes a Good Call

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This meme was my gateway drug to the Star Wars Meme universe, and I always snort-chuckle whenever I see it. Three things:

  1. A while ago I was watching AotC with my little sister and we kept laughing at how Obi-Wan always addresses Anakin with too many modifiers. “We will not exceed our mandate, my young padawan learner.” “Only in your mind, my very young apprentice.” For the next few days, every time we talked to each other my sister and I would extend this as much as possible. She asks for me to pass the salt, I respond with “Of course, my little tiny baby young child apprentice student padawan learner.” This meme bastardizes the phrase “my young padawan” in the same way.
  2. This is that perfect balance of Dad Joke and Absurd that the internet, especially Tumblr, does so well. It is… an exquisite specimen.
  3. I feel a special connection to anyone who spends their free time badly photoshopping unflattering pictures of Anakin. I think said connection is the closest I’ll ever get to the Force.

–M

Skywalker Family AU: Padawan Edition

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K: Few things have the power to reduce me to mush the way fanart and/or headcanons featuring the Skywalkers all living happily as a family sans Anakin’s Fall does.

M: Seriously. I’m not one for AUs, generally speaking, but despite the fact that I love the prequels and their place in the Star Wars story, it sometimes seems… unfair that the prequel folks don’t get their happy ending, while OT folks do (ignoring you, TFA).

K: Exactly! And it’s not like I’m saying I wish this is how things actually worked out. No matter how much I cry and wail about the Star Wars, I love the emotional resonance amid all of the tragedy. And you can’t get the powerful resolution of RotJ without the equally powerful devastation of RotS. But it sure is nice to dream sometimes!

M: Especially where it concerns little Leia and Luke getting to interact with their awesome parents & parents’ friends!

K: *squeals about the cuteness* Obviously, given both of their affinity for the Force, they would be training as Jedi in this AU. (Also in this AU, the Jedi are totally cool that Anakin and Padme are married and had kids in the first place, because why dream if you don’t dream big). Which means we get to think about who would train them!

M: Little Luke and Leia, tripping over their robes, calling out to Master… Who?

K: A lot of people who share our enjoyment of this AU have Anakin training them. And in many ways, that would be the cutest thing.

M: Seriously, especially because we know how much Anakin loves to teach (see: Ahsoka), despite his unconventional ways.

K: And despite how much he initially protests. We also know he likes kids (see: Clone Wars Gambit: Siege pages 108-110, aka my cause of death). Dadakin would have been a glorious sight to behold.

M: But the thing is, in this AU, Anakin has also had extensive therapy, and knows that being his children’s Jedi master probably isn’t the wisest thing, despite his need for control. He’d rather just be dad.

K: That would be more than enough of a satisfying challenge, I’m sure. Also, him trying to train Leia would just end in disaster, can you imagine the ARGUMENTS?

M: OH DEAR I CAN.

K: Padme would laugh. And then tell Anakin to let someone else do it.

M: So, who else? I mean, if this is sans Fall we have the whole of the Jedi Order to choose from… but obviously we have our favorites.

K: Yeah, we’re not letting someone like Luminara Unduli get her hands on Luke and Leia. (Although, that could be entertaining in a terrible, train wreck way).

M: I feel like Leia would end up pranking her in some horrible way, or desperately trying to break rules just because Luminara is such a stickler, which would continue to escalate until Yoda had to intervene and split them up…

K: And Luke would just be so scared of getting something wrong and so miserable from trying to do something ridiculous like memorize every junction in 200 meters of convoluted tunnels that he’d never learn anything.

M: Plus, Luminara doesn’t have a great track record with padawans. (See: Barriss Offee) (I’m a terrible human, forgive me.)

K: (She had it coming.) So, there’s one option eliminated, not that she was ever really a choice in the first place. There’s a much more obvious choice though, of course. Our other favorite Space Dad.

M: OBI-DAD! Or, in this case, Obi-Uncle? Uncle-Wan.

K: Too cute! Of course they would both love him so much anyway, since he would be over at their house CONSTANTLY and they probably get into fights about who gets to be his padawan while they’re still younglings.

M: GAH the cute. I mean, we see how easily Luke gets attached to Obi-Wan after knowing Crazy Ben for approximately 3 days. And who can blame him? He’s cuddly! And behind his innate Jedi-ness there’s a twinkle in his eye and a heart of gold.

K: But sadly, as we learned when Qui-Gon first offered to take Anakin as his apprentice in TPM, no Master can serve two padawans. So a decision must be made.

M: I feel like the obvious decision is Luke, just because they actually do train together, albeit briefly.

K: Yes, and I think that Obi-Wan would be so relieved to have a padawan like Luke for a change. Like yeah, Luke’s had his fair share of bad choices and reckless moves, but he APOLOGIZES for them. He’s really humble when he makes mistakes. And he says where he’s going before he flies away in his X-wing to do dangerous things.

M: Luke is a darling soul.

K: In the now non-canon EU his favorite drink is hot chocolate for pity’s sake.

M: GAH ADORABLE. I mean really, let us not get caught up by his (brief) whining in ANH. Really, he’s game to do anything, cares deeply about his friends, and is fairly soft-spoken.

K: I can just picture him and Obi-Wan finishing a lightsaber sparring session and then just hanging out sipping tea and discussing whatever weird theory about healing crystals has been discovered in the past few weeks. Because let’s face it, they’re both nerds.

M: They’d read books about Jedi history together and Obi-Wan would teach him about animals. It all sounds very relaxing haha.

K: Indeed. Which, who ever heard of a Master/Padawan relationship being *relaxing*? Maybe this isn’t the best scenario after all.

M: So, Obi-Wan trains Leia? First thoughts… UM, ADORABLE. Why had I not thought of this sooner?!

K: The sheer number of times Obi-Wan would put his head in his hands and say “You are JUST like your father, may the Force give me strength.” But secretly he’d love it.

M: I mean, we’re talking all the benefits of the Skywalker/Kenobi partnership without all the trauma and competition. This is an older, wiser, softer Obi-Wan who has the patience to handle a feisty Skywalker and the life experience needed to bite back sarcasm.

K: Not that Leia needs him to cut back on the sarcasm as much as Anakin did. She can dish it right back, girl’s got her mother in her too.

M: I think Leia would make Obi-Wan LAUGH.

K: Which he NEEDS.

M: DESPERATELY! Imagine Leia trying to use a Jedi mind trick on him as a round-faced 8 year old. That might be enough to get him to full on belly laugh. And I think Leia would adore him right back. He’d be game to chuckle while she uses him as a verbal punching bag, rather than correct her right away.

K: He’d challenge her to solve problems on her own and come up with solutions to tricky things. There’d be absolutely NO patronizing. Which is the kind of mentoring she needs.

M: Yes, he’d see that innate talent and pull it out, and then not buckle underneath her sharp tongue and stubbornness.

K: I feel like they’d settle into a rhythm so fast. And then they’d be unstoppable. Also they’d gang up on Anakin ALL THE TIME.

M: “Leia, let’s put sand in your father’s robe pockets.”

K: “Way ahead of you, Master Kenobi.” Also can you imagine down the road when Han inevitably enters the picture and not only does he have to face Anakin, but there’s Obi-Wan, deceptively inviting him in for tea and then just scaring the crap out of him.

M: Bahahaha, I mean Han and Obi-Wan already know how to irritate each other so perfectly, but Han would have to hold it all in because Leia would be fiercely loyal.

K: For sure. Han would have to pass the Obi-Test before she gave him a chance.

M: A nerve-wracking thing indeed from a man known for his deceptive maneuvers. UM YES, I’m sold on this partnership. And it would also be a second chance for Obi-Wan to be a master, this time fully prepared and not under the pressure of fulfilling the dying wish of his master.

K: And no matter how exceptional Leia is, she’s not “The Chosen One” which is another relief for poor Obi-Wan’s sense of responsibility. With the experience of training Anakin, and more years of wisdom under his belt, I bet he’d be very good at helping Leia control that Skywalker rage she’s got lurking in her veins. With a lot of humor, and a lot of patience of course, but also with an open and serious warning if things got bad. I think he’d try really hard not to dance around her–and she’s too direct to take it anyway.

M: She’d dig the straight answer out of him, anyway.

K: Which is another reason she’d be good for him.

M: Yes, I think Leia would teach Obi-Wan a ton. “Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is,” after all. But that leaves Luke without a master!

K: And we can’t do that to Luke! So…who gets to train the one Hufflepuff to come from the Skywalker-Amidala bloodlines? (Wait, I tell a lie, Shmi.)

M: Well, there are wealth of Jedi masters who we love and got to know in Clone Wars and EU novels. Plo Koon, primarily. Another stellar Space-Dad.

K: I do love Plo, and he would adopt the twins whether he got to train them or not. He can’t help himself.

M: Adoptive Plo’s Bros! But none of them have as much of a connection with the Skywalkers, or would be up to taking on the offspring of The Chosen One.

K: Not to mention his wife, the former Queen of Naboo (and probably Chancellor of the Republic in this AU if we’re being honest, she’s got the nerves of steel required). But yes, a daunting task.

M: I know a person not properly daunted by daunting tasks! Ahsoka KRIFFING Tano.

K: AW YEAH. (Because Ahsoka also gets to stay with the Jedi in this AU!!) But really, Ahsoka is the best. And she would be a GREAT Master.

M: Especially with Luke! Ahsoka is feisty and a touch reckless, like Anakin, but she also has this intense maternal side. She’d push Luke out of his comfort zone, but not scare him off.

K: She’d see the toughness inside him, because it does exist. He’s a ray of sunshine, but sunshine can give you sunburns if you’re not careful. She’d show him how to make the best use of his not-inconsiderable talents. Plus they would just have a lot of fun. They’d do a lot of flying together and sparring and stuff. I can see them going on lots of training field trips and coming back covered in mud and grinning. She would DEFINITELY call him Skyguy Junior.

M: OMG that’s adorable. I think what they have in common, which is what would make their relationship work, is their sheer enthusiasm.

K: They’re also both really hopeful people. They have a pretty good handle on their emotions (Obi-Wan has control of his emotions but only because he brutally represses them). And they enjoy a good display of acrobatic daring-do (see: Luke does a flip off the end of an execution plank).

M: (also see: Ahsoka always) Yes, I think together they’d be intensely energetic. And then, on the flip-side, I think they both have the same style of seriousness. RotJ, Clad-in-Black Luke reminds me of Ahsoka’s more serious, grown-up side. They’re both very thoughtful people, underneath the goofiness and flipping.

K: Oh for sure. I imagine their partnership as one that leans toward teasing more than arguing. And they’d take the time to really listen to each other’s concerns. It’d be one of those pairings where they head into battle with only a quick look at each other to determine their plan. They would know each other really well.

M: In terms of their differences, I think Luke would balance out Ahsoka’s wildness. By the time she’s older she has a really great hold on her temper, but Luke’s sensitivity would help her continue to fine-tune that.

K: Anakin would be so proud of them both, gosh. Also of Leia, of course.

M: And after a long day of training they’d all get together for family dinner.

K: I can see it now: Padme’s had a long day in the Senate, so Obi-Wan insists on cooking. Or trying to. Ahsoka and Luke take over when things start burning, (letting Obi-Wan retreat to observe quietly in the corner with a cup of tea,) even though Luke is hardly tall enough to reach anything and has to Force-float ingredients into the pot. Leia tells her mom all about the latest stunt she pulled on her twin while they were supposed to be meditating, with lots of hand gestures and getting up to demonstrate exactly what happened. Anakin just sits on the couch with his arm around his wife, smiling. Or maybe giving her a foot rub.

M: It’s the life Anakin always wanted with his mother, and the life he wanted to create for Padme and his children.

K: Ok, quick, let’s leave them there before I start crying. And-they-all-lived-happily-ever-after-the-end.

Flying is for Droids

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M: And now for something completely different!

K: By which we mean “lighter than our typical soul-crushing Star Wars fare.”

M: Obi-Wan has a pretty bad attitude when it comes to flying and droids. For someone who laughs sarcasms in the face of death, why such strong opinions about such inherently benign things?

K: “Flying is for droids,” nicely sums up Obi-Wan’s feelings about both of those things.

M: A double-hitting snark. But really, I think that Obi-Wan’s disgust with both flying and droids is one of the most hilarious aspects of his character. Here we are, sitting at home, looking at the Star Wars universe, wishing we had droids and could fly.

K: Have you HEARD me talking about how much I love X-Wings? I would kill for one of those!

M: He’s such a flipping hipster about it. You know what his preferred mode of transportation is? Riding an Eopie. Or Walking. And an eopie looks like a shaved camel with a grubby little elephant snout, and they are known, primarily, for farting.

K: (For those of you wondering about Obi-Wan’s affinity for eopies, see Kenobi, by John Jackson Miller.) I had a thought about why he hates flying–in a single person fighter, he’s the only one he’s responsible for. And we all know how much Obi-Wan cares about his own safety.

M: 0%. Okay, maybe like 11.38%, but that’s just because he’s worried he’d let someone down by dying.

K: Exactly. So, when he flies, he actually has to care about his own life and safety because they’re the only ones he has control over.

M: Darling Obi-Wan, please care about your life. I mean, Vader does! Obsessively, even!

K: Hahaha. I wonder if he’s afraid of heights too–he’s had enough bad experiences, what with all the dangling off stuff he does.

M: Haha, a different conversation because he hangs off of precipices by one hand basically every day of his life, but yes, possibly.

K: Actually, as someone who IS afraid of heights, I think it’s probably pretty unlikely. He doesn’t exhibit the usual signs of, I don’t know, avoiding standing close to sheer edges or jumping out of skyscraper windows.. And of course, he always has the Force to catch him. But, in space, you’re not going to fall, you’re going to be sucked into a vacuum, which sounds much scarier. So maybe the hatred of flying has more to do with that.

M: Honestly, I think he just gets motion sick.

K: OMG of course! He’s always clutching the armrests when Anakin starts making crazy turns and staring desperately at the horizon line.

M: Exactly. He’s definitely dizzy. Plus, he is in SERIOUS mom mode when flying. Like, you know he’s pressing the invisible brake pedal with all his might.

K: Oh yeah, the imaginary parent brake gets a workout when Obi-Wan flies with ANYONE. But especially with Anakin.

M: So, he’s about to barf, Anakin says “let’s try spinning, that’s a good trick!” and Obi-Wan has to pretend he’s not going to lose his space-cookies. Additionally, I imagine this is a point of embarrassment for him. I mean, the cool kids fly yellow speeders and spin, duh. And here Obi-Wan is, hanging out with a much younger, more risky Jedi, who is admired galaxy-wide, and let’s face it, he wants to pretend he’s cool too!

K: And the thing is, he IS a good pilot–even Anakin, wonderboy pilot extraordinaire, says he is. He’s just not a flashy one.

M: Yes, definitely not flashy. It’s Obi-Wan “making full use of his inherent discretion,” as Dooku says (Labyrinth of Evil, James Luceno). Obi-Wan thinks of everything in the long-term. It’s what got him constantly into trouble with Qui-Gon (living force, yadda yadda, living force), and so there’s no WAY he’d take any sort of risk by being flashy or unsubtle. He’s got to be the one with good judgment.

K: But, he also wouldn’t be anything less than a great pilot, because what if he’s the only one who can pilot the ship and save everyone? Wait, that sounded a bit too Anakin.

M: That’s where they think similarly. Just, Obi-Wan hopes he can save everyone, while accepting that maybe he won’t be able to, and Anakin needs to save everyone cause he’s the Chosen One and crap.

K: Well yes. Little messed-up dummies. But where Anakin would thoroughly enjoy doing a daring landing with a damaged ship and a full crew depending on him (or at least he would after the fact), Obi-Wan would hate every minute and be muttering under his breath the whole time. Given all the tells he has, (like that muttering) I find it hilarious that he tries to deny that he hates flying in AotC. He seems to get over that though, he’s a lot more open about his dislike in later novels and in RotS.

M: Haha, glad he gets over trying to deny it because it’s terribly obvious. Obi-Wan was born with a grandpa’s soul, and I think he tries to play cool for a bit, but ultimately he can’t deny his grandpa-ness or all of the sarcastic remarks building up in his head. Kids these days, with their texting and murder, and also their flashy flying and newfangled droids.

K: I also love the contrast in the opening of RotS, where Anakin is manually flying, grinning as he puts his starfighter through all kinds of crazy maneuvers, while Obi-Wan gives his astromech control with a nervous “Nothing too fancy, R4,” and then just grits his teeth and bears it.

M: Speaking of RotS, it’s also a great place to discuss his dislike of droids. I’m thinking of the elevator scene when he starts complaining about Artoo…

K: Yeah! And Anakin gets all defensive (“He’s trying!”), because he treats his astromech like a person basically. (See also, Artoo gets lost in Clone Wars and Anakin risks his and Ahsoka’s lives to get him back.) Which just confuses Obi-Wan to no end.

M: Obi-Wan is very aware that these things are metal, and he just does not understand them or why people would treat them as beings rather than tools.

K: Important to note: Jedi don’t use droids, as a general rule. Like, they are almost never found in the Temple. He probably didn’t see very many during his childhood, or even during his apprenticeship.

M: Yes, interesting. Droids would certainly be unsettling if you weren’t used to them. Also, Obi-Wan definitely has a predisposition for living things, perhaps passed on to him by Qui-Gon “pathetic lifeforms” Jinn. I love that he rides that freaking lizard in RotS (which he obviously gets a bit attached to, bad Jedi!), and in Clone Wars he often rides animals or is rescued by them (my favorite being that manta-ray thing on Kamino).

K: Yes! Anakin would have grabbed one of those spinny wheel car things Grievous drives to chase him. Obi-Wan’s like, “Where’d my lizard go??”

M: Maybe I’m reading too much into this (that was a joke, I definitely am), but I like to think of it as Obi-Wan longing for a simpler life in general. He just wants a pot of tea and a good book, and in his hipster-grandpa view, droids are just over-stimulation and over-complication. As is a lot of “modern” Star Wars life.

K: Hence him not using blasters. “So uncivilized.”

M: And let’s not forget Oldie-Wan. Plenty of evidence in the OT, too. Ever since I was a child I’ve found it hilarious that he hovers over Han’s shoulder in the Falcon, practically wringing his hands. He is sooooo anxious about flying there, too. And OMG, speaking of ANH, the look he gives R2-D2 when he first sees him kills me every time.

K: Me toooo. He’s like “Are you KIDDING me right now, Artoo?” And Artoo just beeps smugly.

M: Little punk droid.

K: As much as droids are weird and unsettling and whatever, and as complicated as robot ethics are, the Star Wars fandom LOVES them some droids. So it’s interesting to have Obi-Wan, (and often, the other Jedi,) treat them so dismissively, while we’re all getting attached and writing headcanons about how Artoo teaches swear words to BB-8.

M: And don’t forget Skippy the Jedi Droid (look it up). It IS an interesting dichotomy and one I’ve wondered about. I think it puts the audience in Anakin’s POV, and punctuates the description of the Jedi as a hokey old religion. But really, I think the Jedi just don’t know how to use them so they act all superior about it.

K: Yes, the Jedi are very good at acting aloof and superior about the things they don’t understand (*cough* Anakin Skywalker *cough*).

M: And, lest we forget, the Sith seem plenty comfortable with their droid army. To them, the Jedi’s discomfort with new technology is indicative of how outdated the Jedi are, and ultimately something easy for Palpatine to exploit.

K: Yep! But the Jedi are all about life, nature, etc. Droids, even nice/friendly/sassy ones, don’t comfortably fit in their world. The Jedi can’t even sense droids in the Force, which I’m sure has to be disquieting.

M: Ok, I have to go back though because I’m just giggling to myself about Oldie-Wan and Artoo still, like when Luke’s saying the transmission is gone and Obi-Wan’s like “I seem to have found it” like DUDE you know you didn’t “find” it and you’re lucky Threepio isn’t on to translate Artoo’s indignant response.

K: Bahahaha, it’s a good thing Luke can’t understand Artoo as well as Anakin (especially at this point) because, even though he’s a very trustworthy and circumspect droid all things considered, I’m sure Artoo could (and would) tell him some stories.

M: Which might be why Obi-Wan doesn’t like droids. Or flying. I bet Artoo has pulled something on him at one point or another.

K: WIth Anakin as Artoo’s owner? Certainly. Also, a thought: Anakin probably treats Artoo as a friend because he doesn’t want to be the owner of something that can talk to him.

M: Okay, OUCH, I thought we were being “light” hahahaha. Whatever: “Another happy landing!”

 

Meme Monday: Anakin Phelps

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I loooove the Anakin Phelps meme, mostly because I was watching live (well, “live”– it was the NBC broadcast) when this moment happened during the 2016 Olympics. I have only rarely laughed as hard as I did that night. These Star Wars editions of the meme just make it better. You could insert Phelps’s face into certain parts of RotS and not even notice the difference: “From my point of view, Chad Le Clos is evil!”

–K